phuket, thailand

Patong Beach.

All characters appearing in this work are NOT fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely truthful.

A weekend getaway booked almost 2 months in advance. Great anticipation and high expectations, for one of my top listed countries to visit. March goes by. April flies. And finally May 10 arrives. May 10. 10 portuguese.
You know those comedy movies were so many things go wrong, that you get to a point when you just laugh about it, cos there’s nothing else you can do? Thats how our 53 hours holiday was like.

The best way to explain EVERYTHING that happened is by numbering down the events occurred before, during and after Phuket…

1. The TRAIN. With every minute counted so we wouldn’t be late for the flight, there was a problem with the train, we were sent to another train, that would take us to the airport. Unfortunately, 10 minutes after departure, the train stopped due to technical problems….

2. The FALL. Finally the train arrives to the station, but we still have to get in the shuttle for our terminal. In a mix of fast walking and running, Carla managed to trip in her own self, and fly over the 3 steps stairs on our way to the shuttle. Leaving her knee with a few sexy scratches.

3. The TICKET. Another amazing run, got us in the airport, just in time for a few of us to get our boarding passes printed. Except for Xavier, his ticket wasn’t printing. We ran to an AirAsia counter, and immediately were told to go to another counter on the other aide of the terminal.. So he had to go for another run.. He waited in line for his turn, only to be sent back to the first one! Yet another run… Finally he reached us as at the gate safely and just in time!

4. The HOTEL ROOM. After a 55 minutes flight, we arrived in Phuket. I got my long wished stamp from Thailand! So, we got to the hotel in a pretty awesome van, that amazingly fit all 10 of us. Unfortunately.. The arrival wasn’t at ALL quiet.. Firstly, the lady was a pain-in-our-butt-moody-unfriendly-and-anoying. Then, she told us that they were overbooked, and did not have one of our rooms, but they could put us at another hotel.
Carla: “You either put us all together in this hotel, or all together in the other. Period. Your mistake. Your mess. You solve it.”
She didn’t say it exactly like this, but it was pretty similar, plus the typical “russian” accent that “apparently” she has! After a big big fight, with some of us getting ripped of, we managed to stay in the same hotel..

5. The SCOOTERS. Having decided to go out for dinner, and some Patong partying, we went to rent some scooters. So……. We were (still) 10 people, meaning we needed a minimum of 5 motorbikes. “Luckily” they only had 3! Meaning, there were 4 out.

6. The GAS. Apparently motorbikes run on gas. At least everywhere else in the world… But the pain-in-our-butt-moody-unfriendly-and-anoying-lady, didn’t knew that. So my motorbike and Carla’s ran out of gas about 300 meters from the hotel, and when João C.’s went to get us some gas, his motorbike also ran out of gas…………………

7. The ATTEMPTED-MURDER. While waiting for the gas in 7/11, everybody was out of the motorbikes, except for João P. and Diana. At some point, he left the motorbike, and asked Diana to hold it, thats when its blurry… Somehow, “”””””accidentally””””””” my friend Diana, decided to ran me over with the scooter. She came straight at me, hit me once on my foot, then stopped, probably to look at my face one last time, before, running me over again, while i jumped to the floor. Besides two injured and very very twisted feet, i was ok enough to skip the doctor. But from this moment on, my walking speed decreased about 1639,81%.

8. The NON-GATHERING. The scooterless crew of 3, went on walking, without realizing that we were going to stay behind for such a long time… So we ended up not spending the night together, dinner, or partying, having missed out some “”gruesome”” hooker talent shows..

9. The BOAT TRIP. So, its morning in Patong Beach, we had arranged a boat trip to the Phi Phi Islands in the morning. First event of the trip? A big wave made Filipe fly and land on his back, giving him a huge bruise, needless to say, he was laying down sleeping on the bench.. Not a smart move. Besides that, have you seen the Family Guy sketch with the massive throwing up? That was 40% of us… Freaky trip, the sea was horrible! Just like the idiot-guide told us: the sea is as unstable as women. So trowing up, to the trash can, to the plastic bags, to the floor,… In one word: disgusting.

10. The ISLANDS. Since my feet weren’t fantastic, i couldn’t dive, otherwise i would’ve either sunk to the bottom of the ocean, or get skewed by sharks that would’ve noticed my injured feet….

11. The MORNING AFTER. Decided to go to the beach in the morning, we woke up mildly early, to find out that it was pouring till the afternoon!

12. The ARRIVAL. Back in KL, what happened?? Two of us, 20% of us, were questioned by the police for illegal immigration…

Now you know why the post’s title is ‘evil eye’.

Bad luck aside… Hummmm.. Worst of luck aside, we had fun, and still manage to have great laughs about the most freaky trip ever.
And will return to Phuket for a quiet trip.
When the bruises of this trip fade away….